From Being a Kiwi to Becoming an American

My name is Carole and I lived a great life in New Zealand with my son, Timothy, a good job and friends who cared about me. In 1994 my grandfather passed away and left each of his children some money. Since my father had already passed away his inheritance was passed down to his children. I managed to buy a little car, some things for Timothy and a computer for me. I now had the ability to go online but there was no way I was going to do that since I'd heard so many horror stories about people getting into difficult situations meeting people online. Eventually a friend of mine in America (Ian) told me that he had an email account and that he would write to me more often if I emailed him. So I told him that I would go online JUST to use email, that was all!! Nothing of this surfing stuff I'd heard about!! One Friday night when nobody was around and Timothy was asleep I picked up a wine glass (which was refilled several times) and headed into the cyber world of chat rooms. Don't ask me how I found the chat room that I ended up in. I was looking for a long lost American friend and I came across 'Info Space'. I took a deep breath and 'went in'. It took me a few hours just to figure out how to get from room to room and to keep up with all of the conversations that were happening 'around me'. 

For a novice it was a completely new world. For the first three days I didn't post, I just watched and noted how people chatted. It was a very friendly chatroom and I kept going back. Finally I took another swig of wine and posted ... I was no longer a cyberspace virgin! Over the next week I met a few people that helped my foray into chatting and most were friendly and innocent chats. However, I managed to meet a few people that weren't exactly savoury. Mostly though, I found it a great escape from my loneliness in the evenings when I was by myself and Timothy was asleep. Around this time I stumbled into a room where 'Aceman' (Terry) was and we struck up an easy conversation almost immediately. We chatted for a little while and then he had to leave. A few days later I was in a chatroom and in came 'Sun Devil'. Now, remember, I'm in New Zealand and very naive where America is concerned. From the looks of his name I thought that he liked to be out in the sun a lot!! Anyway, I mentioned to him that I'd heard he had a good sense of humour (someone had told me that previously) and from then on we started up an easy chat. By the way, these 'two men' (Aceman & Sun Devil) turned out to be identical twins who were apart from each other for the first time in their lives, so coming into a chat room was a cheaper alternative for communication than lots of long distance phone calls. Thank goodness they chose the same chat room that I had stumbled upon. Over the next few months I became extraordinarily close to these two men. I not only spent many hours online chatting to them (I was introduced to ICQ and real time chat which was amazing), but I would spend upwards of four hours every weekend talking to the both of them. Sun Devil was in Alabama and Aceman was in Texas. I was amazed at how quickly they became such an important part of my life. I vividly remember my first chats with both of them - I spent five hours on the phone with Todd, and then turned around and spent six hours on the phone with Terry - the same day! People around me tried to understand my infatuation with the internet, but it's impossible to describe what you're going through unless you've been through it yourself. 

I had a few close friends who supported me whole-heartedly, and then there were the others that told me to my face that they supported me, but behind my back they were definitely not supportive. I realise that these people thought they had my best interests at heart, and in a way I can understand that, but telling me one thing and then others something else is a rather unusual way to support someone. On April 23rd, 1998 my life changed forever. I was waiting on a call from Aceman when Sun Devil phoned me. To make a long story relatively short he told me that he loved me, and that he felt that we had a chance to make a life together. This was kind of a shock to me. Of course I loved this man - he was SO VERY important to me. I couldn't go for more than a few minutes without thinking about him. His declaration of love was kind-of-a surprise though. After a few days of deep thought, I booked my tickets to go and meet him in Alabama! Some of my friends told me not to go, that this man would hit me over the head with a solid object (?!?!) and drag me away and I would be forced to join a cult and never be seen alive again!! As much as I appreciated these people worrying about me, it was a very awkward situation because I knew this man was going to be the man I spent the rest of my life with. I had without a doubt, fallen in love with him and the only thing left to do with our relationship as it was back then, was to finally meet him in person and make sure that in person we were as much in love with each other as we were over the internet and phone. There wasn't a moment in any day where I didn't think about Todd and the thought of not having him in my life was not something I wanted to comprehend. There were some obstacles that we needed to get over, the main one being that we were from two different countries, a long way away from each other but other than that it was easy. The day finally dawned when I got on the plane to head to Alabama. I wasn't nervous, just excited about finally getting to meet this man in person. Nearly two days later (after a stop-over in LA I'd rather not remember!!) I arrived in Atlanta to meet Todd. Getting off the plane turned out to be a bit of a trauma in itself - but eventually (after nearly all of the crew had disembarked) I made my way up the gangway and into the passenger lounge. 

The moment I raised my eyes to look around the room, I saw Todd. Words CANNOT explain how I felt at that point in time. I started to walk toward him but realised that my legs weren't going to make that short distance. I dropped my hand luggage and stood there with my arms raised toward him. He walked into my arms and we held each other for several minutes without saying a word. It was ... PERFECT!! Todd broke the ice by saying "Welcome Home" - and that's exactly what it felt like to be in his arms - home!! I'm not usually one for loss of words, but for ten minutes at least I was speechless. I just nodded my head at the appropriate times and held his hand as if my life depended on it. We walked up to the baggage claim and waited for my luggage to arrive. He chatted to me and I just stood there staring into his eyes and watching this man talk to me that I had heard so many times before but never seen! I don't recall my first words to him - probably something along the lines of "Duh", or "Hmmm" or maybe something even slightly more intelligent like "Oh yeah"!! But as he spoke to me every word made me love him more. Every gesture he made, made me want to hold him closer. We spent three GLORIOUS weeks together - the finer details I won't elaborate on! He was assigned to Fort Rucker at the time and there wasn't an awful lot to do around Daleville where he lived, but we managed to keep ourselves busy. Todd treated me so wonderfully, never before have I ever felt this much about a person without any hesitation about consequences, we both KNEW that we would be together for the rest of our lives! 

But then I had to return to NZ. I can't tell you how devastating it was to leave this man and go back to New Zealand. There was never any doubt on either of our parts, but I had to return to NZ, my family and job. He had to stay in America. I can't explain how absolutely 'gutted' we both felt saying goodbye at the airport. After several months in back in New Zealand we decided to take Timothy to America to meet Todd and see how they got along. So two and a half months later Timothy and I were on a plane headed for Alabama. I shouldn't have worried about the two of them getting along. They have been like father and son from the moment they met. After several days back in Alabama (three to be exact) Todd and I made the decision that we could never be parted like that again, and so we took ourselves down to the court house in Coffee County, Enterprise, Alabama and got married! It was a wonderfully romantic JP service, quick but so very personal. Nobody knew about the service as we didn't feel that people would react well to the fact that we had only known each other 'in person' for 24 days when we married. The fact was, Todd knew me better than most people did, he understood me in ways that nobody had before. 

The evening of our JP service the three of us went out to dinner but that was as much celebrating as we could do as Todd was due to leave for a week the following day to undergo his water training. Can you believe it - not even married 24 hours and the man leaves me ... and in a foreign country to boot! Timothy and I spent many hours in the pool at the apartment complex while he was gone and I think once I ventured out in the car to the local grocery shop, but driving on the other side of the road than I was used to was a bit daunting to start off with and the last thing I wanted to do was crash Todd's car! We kept our JP service secret from everyone for years. After eight months we had a wedding service for family and friends in Phoenix, Arizona. This service was held on April 24th, 1999. Since we have been together we have moved 10 times, had two further children (Todd adopted Timothy after we married), bought a dog and two homes, sold one home – still have the dog though! I consider our relationship a very strong one, whenever we have been faced with trials and come through them stronger and more in love with each other. With Todd being in the military there are many separations, but I am thankful that he hasn’t been deployed at this point. Not a day goes by that I don’t think how lucky I am. I still get butterflies when I think of how much I love him, and he me. Making the transition to life in America wasn’t as difficult as it could have been, but I have been lucky in the fact that I have met some really wonderful people here as well as having the support of some faithful friends from my life before I came to America.

In early December 2004 I became an American Citizen after 6 years of paperwork being lost, found, lost again, delayed and then completed! Like any relationship, ours continues to be a work in progress and we make an effort to keep the romance alive and to grow together. My heart still skips a beat when I think of seeing him after he's been at work all day; I still love hearing him tell me he loves me every day; when I see him interact with our children he becomes so much more handsome; and at night when I get to lay next to him, I thank the powers that be for bringing me to this man who not only completes me, he is the reason I was put on this earth. 

For more on Todd’s and my story, please feel free to go to my website for more boring details of our life together since we met online! Eight years and still going strong and loving every moment of it…